As I walked through Newton Abbot yesterday I felt my legs getting heavier, but the most disturbing thing was my head was getting even heavier. they talk about the weight of the world being on your shoulders but this now applied to my head. it felt as if I couldn’t lift it and was being pressed down by some incredible invisible force, my eyes were glued to watching my feet as I struggled to put one foot in front of the other. Elaine noticed straight away, held onto me and insisted that was enough and we headed back to the car. I hadn’t walked that far but I had felt a little “Strange ” most of the day. By the time I got back to the car I was totally exhausted, shaking and so out of breath, my head felt like it was full of cotton wool and I couldn’t get my words out properly,
Lewy Body`s had struck early in the day……………..
Unfortunately, it didn’t come by itself, accompanying it was what I call my “Concrete Overcoat” Some people call it the ” Big Black Dog, most know it as depression. I was being assaulted, mentally and physically from all sides, as you all know, I also have heart failure and have so much trouble breathing sometimes, yesterday, as they day, felt like the “Perfect Storm”
Not much was said on the way back from Newton Abbot to Torquay, about a twenty-minute journey, don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t for the want of trying !! But hard as I tried, just a mumbled jumped up set of words came out that even Elaine couldn’t understand. I literally staggered out of the car as if I had been drinking as Elaine held onto me as tight as possible as we approached our flat. As soon, as I got in she, sat me down, took off my shoes and helped me to bed “best place for you at the moment i can recall her saying as I fell into a black depressive sleep, which was fitful and littered with disturbing dreams and even more disturbing and dark ridden thoughts.
An hour or so later I awoke with a thumping head and feeling very disorientated, so very low and couldn’t see any light what so ever at the end of this everlasting tunnel called dementia and depression. I firmly believe the two are inexplicably linked and when they come together, all seems lost. The rest of the night was sat in almost silence and I am so grateful it was, because my ANGEL Elaine just has that knack of saying the right things at the right times, when to say something and when not to, bedtime came and as it did I dreaded, once again what was to come
TODAY IS A DIFFERENT DAY
Diagnosed with dementia (And depression ) nine years ago aged just 50 xxxxxx