MY SPATIAL AWARENESS
Struggling to get into the car I knew there was something wrong, but just couldn’t work it out. Once in the car, apart from the usual confusion over where we were going I settled down a little bit, but with very restless legs as I recall.
Getting out of the car and walking up the pavement was a different matter. I almost slid out of the car as it was like my legs had a mind of their own. I stood there for a minute or two before I set off, holding onto Elaine (My Angel) for dear life. The only way I can explain this is that I wanted to go one way, and my legs had completely different ideas, and all without one drop of alcohol. If it wasn’t so B****Y frustrating it would be humorous. The more I concentrated the more frustrated I got. I fell over every pavement lip as I just didn’t see them and at one stage I seriously thought about just sitting down and shouting I GIVE UP!!!
You can only imagine the looks I got as I stumbled around at 11.45am in the morning in a busy village and if I had a £ for
everybody that “Tutted “I would now be booking a holiday abroad for a few days!!! As always, Elaine had hold of me like a grip of iron, asking me to stop now and again to try at least to get my bearings!! My head knew where I wanted to go but it just wasn’t letting my legs know!! It was such a relief to sit down for lunch and try to take stock of the last 20 mins but of course I couldn’t, as it really doesn’t make that much sense. Things didn’t get any better as I struggled to find my mouth with my food and I finished my jacket potato long after Elaine finished hers. I really don’t think many people understand what a debilitating disease this is.
I know my Lewy Bodys is getting worse and the commonalities with Parkinson’s are showing much more now, and its soul sapping!! If the hallucinations, memory loss and night terrors weren’t enough, the inability to walk straight, upstairs at times and falling over without reason is just another trait of this awful disease which pulls you down, and yet, very rarely spoke about. The overwhelming feeling of wanting to suddenly start running is so dangerous , and I am so ashamed to say when my father used to tell me this years ago I struggled to believe him, he also died because the dementia demon caught up with him.
The truth is my friend, this B****Y disease
Your days, your nights, your family life, your life-force to keep you going, and your very existence by every means possible and some days its so hard to even get up in the morning!! But get up we do!! AND WHY ???????
Because we love life !! we embrace every seconds of it, for every bump in the road there is a mile of smooth driving, for every memory lost there is a new one made, even though we might not always remember them, we are making new memories every second of the day , far more than we are forgetting and because we have YOU by our sides, our family, our friends, our loved ones and our Carers, you BREATH the life force back into us every day, and without you we would have given up so long ago.
Please share this and please explain that this DA***ED Dementia is not just about memory loss, not just about Sundowning or Spatial awareness but about FIGHTING for our VERY EXISTENCE!! FIGHTING Together the most important fight of our LIFE!!!! And fighting it
Much love, Norrms and family
Diagnosed 7 yrs ago aged just 50 and FIGHTING IT even harder now xxxxxxxxxx